ManCrush: BearTiger

For the Naked Men Talking podcast, I caught up with BearTiger for a behind-the-scenes look at his work offering naked massages for men.

In the conversation, we talk sauna encounters, how a mirror can help you love yourself, massage tips to impress your date, and why snoring is aspirational.

Listen to the episode

Growing up, what was your relationship like with your body?

For a large part of my growing up, I was very removed from my body - because of a number of things.

Firstly, you know, shaming built around being gay.

I come from South Africa. I lived near the beach. I'm super-hairy. Growing up, everyone was waxing and shaving their hair and everyone always pointed out how hairy I was.

I think a lot of my journey has been around understanding my experiences and how I've looked at my body and accepting those parts of myself that probably were removed because I didn't have the awareness or understanding.

That way of describing it as being removed from your body is really interesting - how did you try and resolve that?

I think a lot of the people in my family had eating disorders. Being younger and witnessing that, I think that that got pushed on me.

Also, in the early 90s, there was still that kind of heroin-chic look. A lot of people were losing weight - there was a lot of pressure to be thin.

In my early 20s, I had an experience where it was almost the end of life, and that really put me back into my body - I started to really look at life and what it meant to embody my body, how my body is carrying a part of myself, and how I really needed to have a relationship with it.

How did your identity as a bear work its way through in that journey of reconnecting with your body? At what point did you look in the mirror and go, oh, this is who I am!

That was a much longer journey.

Coming from South Africa, there were bear groups but I wasn't really in them.

I had a job where I had to shave. It was really torturous - I have rosacea, my body doesn't react well to blades.

I was training at a gym in Cape Town. I had my gym session and I went into the sauna. Another guy came in and he had a beard and we just started chatting. He was telling me about bear events and that I should grow my beard and get involved.

Eventually, I changed jobs, stopped shaving, and I started to really who I actually was. The label of being a bear helped me fit into a group of people who really helped me accept myself in a different way. Suddenly, I felt seen for who I really was - I was accepted for being very hairy.

You work as a model - that often means getting your clothes off in front of people. Is that a comfortable process for you?

When I first started, I used to shake - I found the experience quite scary.

There are all kinds of narratives that run through your head, but working with the right photographers or in the right environments helps you break free from that.

I just kept putting myself out there, even at times when I probably didn't love myself as much. I fell in love with taking my clothes off and feeling free - dropping all of that pretentiousness and just being who you are for people to see who you are not based on what you have and what you're wearing.

Is there a bit of an exhibitionist thrill in that?

There are parts of me that explore the erotic side of being nude, and I really enjoy the idea of being seen.

It's really fun, it's enjoyable, and if you can get over that guilt and shame and go towards the places that make you scared, it really helps you fall in love with yourself.

You've recently launched your massage service - what took you down that path?

I used to go out and seek massages - for relaxation and also for healing.

There's something super-healing about being touched. I don't think that I explored that enough growing up or I didn't have enough of it. There's something really beautiful about how I feel having someone touch my body, massage my body.

When someone is on your massage table, you've got to try and build a connection with them to get that energy going. There's something being naked that helps to create that connection, that helps men to feel safe. Once I've got my hands on them and they can feel the touch, they start to relax and ease into it.

If I was wanting to impress a guy, impress a date, and offer him a sexy massage, What part of the body should I be starting with?

You have to understand the individual - some people don't like their feet touched, some people don't like their head touched. It has to be personalised.

If you’re just getting to know each other, if you’re on a date, the best place to start is the shoulders - from there, you can move on to the chest, make your way down to their upper-thighs, work on the thighs, work down to the feet, and then back to the thighs. That should get you both in the mood for whatever happens next.

Has your massage work changed your relationship with your body in any way?

It definitely has.

For a start, you have to learn anatomy - understanding different parts of your body and how actually fragile you are, that's definitely something that's changed in me.

I'm loving falling in love with myself through that process and being able to touch myself in a different way, in an understanding way of how things are connected and what moves energy.

If someone wants to boost their body-confidence and feel better about who they're looking at in the mirror, what advice or guidance would you give them?

If you're not feeling sexy when you have sex - if you have issues taking off your clothes and you always want to have sex in the dark, it's important for you to discover the erotic side by yourself. Touching yourself in the ways that you like to be touched and loving that part of yourself, seeing your erotic nature thrive.

That's a very important journey as a man and it's very empowering because that will help you.

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