Is my penis big enough?

Anyone with a bit of experience of sexual encounters and with a grip on reality will tell you that size doesn't matter. A big swinging dick can be fun in the moment, but there's a lot more to sexual prowess than just bragging about how many inches you're packing.

The trouble is, gay culture - and popular culture generally - seems determined to perpetuate the myth that our value as men is inherently linked to the size of our penis.

A study published in The Aging Male reports that researchers have found a correlation between men's "self-perception" of their genitalia and their “susceptibility to depression and anxiety.”

In simple terms, if you are under the impression that you've got a small dick, you're more likely to be struggling with mental health issues.

Crucially, the researchers highlighted that this correlation was based on self-perception - the participants in the study weren't being measured against any genetic averages or being definitely told that they were bigger or smaller than other men, it all comes down to the vibes we feel when we look in the mirror.

It is however worth noting that this study wasn't focused on how gay men view their dick-size - all of the participants in the study identified as heterosexual. But the key take-away is about the harmful impact that body-anxiety and negative body-image can have on men.

Let's try and be a little kinder to each other but most importantly, let's try and be a little kinder to ourselves.

Naked Men Talking

David from Small Penis Pride was a recent guest on the Naked Men Talking podcast.

As the name suggests, Small Penis Pride showcases men who are at the lower end of the average penis size, creating a space where small penises are admired, worshipped, and celebrated.

Topics included in the conversation include body confidence, nude beaches, and the turn-on of humiliation.

Listen to the episode

David, welcome.

Thank you so much for having me.

Let's start at the beginning - what led you to start your small penis pride campaign?

I just think that I wanted to see more representation and more space for guys that are smaller, and I just have the clear intention of showing that there's nothing wrong with that, that it should be celebrated.

It's your body.

Everybody's unique and there's no reason to feel shamed for it.

And I've seen different blogs throughout the years of doing similar to what I'm doing and I just wanted to start my own on Twitter.

What was your relationship with your body like when you're growing up? When did you become aware that dicks come in different shapes and sizes?

I guess it was when I was just say like a teenager when I was seeing naked men online or looking up that stuff when I was interested in it, kind of confused about my sexuality for a little while.

I think a lot of people understand that and just noticing that, ohh, they just come in different sizes and that's kind of it.

And I never really resonated with any specific size.

I think it was later, like right now we're like, I do resonate with a specific size under 5 and that's just what I enjoy and what I appreciate.

So yeah, it was interesting to see that.

But then I really didn't think anything of it even on my own.

I didn't think even when I was thinking about my own body, I didn't.

I never compared.

Did you have locker room experiences where you were getting naked with other guys? Were you comfortable taking your clothes off in front of other people?

I never was in a place or a space where I was getting naked.

Like, I never had that experience.

It wasn't until later when I was with my partner and I'm like, I've always wanted to go to a new beach.

Can we please go to one? I'm just super excited to go to one.

And we finally went to Black’s Beach, which is in California.

It's kind of a famous nude beach.

And so obviously when I got there, like the moment I stepped on the sand, my clothes came off right away.

Like probably like within two seconds.

And like some people around actually laughed. Not because of anything else, I think it was because of my eagerness.

I'd never been around naked people like that.

So I was like just looking at different bodies and of course in all with some very intrigued by others.

But other than that, it was just, it was exciting to see that people were just confident enough to kind of just shed their clothes and just walk around however they want it to be.

Because when you are in that vulnerable space and people have that intention of being in that space, there is no judgement.

And I've had many guys reach out from the page that, you know, that they feel uncomfortable going to a nude beach because of how they look.

Like I get it because like that's a very understandable thing.

Like I'm sure a lot of people feel that way before they do it, but in that space, no one's judging you.

In today's popular culture and porn, we're sort of surrounded by a perception that we're in a way defined by the size of our dicks. I was wondering what your perspective on that was and that sort of general assumption that the bigger dick you have, the better it is?

Well, I think if you go into like many forums of everyday people, they will describe that bigger does not mean better.

It doesn't matter. It's your personal preference and that's it.

Like, I don't understand why this needs to be such an ongoing debate like one-size-fits-all when we know it doesn't.

I think when it comes to men, there's a lot more pressure on their dick size because there’s a perception that your dick size is connected to your masculinity, which it's not at all.

I always think back to Ancient Rome and Ancient Greece and you look at the statues and in those cultures it was the guys with the small penis who were considered the elite, the rulers, the decision makers, the intelligent people. And if you had a big penis that meant you were pretty much a soldier or out working in the fields. We've really flipped that on its head in a way where we talk about how you're defined by the size of your penis, and bigger tends to be equated to better.

I think it's a good example to say that all bodies can be worshipped and have been in different times. But don't use that as a way to say that it should be accepted because it was at one point. No, it should be accepted because this is my body and I'm going to own it. That's it.

Yeah, if you're seeking validation from someone else, that's the problem.

Yeah. I do think, you know, seeking validation for your body is good as a first step.

Like if you're actually at a place where you don't like your body, which a lot of people do, and they external validation and it stimulates them. As long as it's not the only stimulation you get, the only validation you get. Because I know some people only thrive on what other people think of them.

Have you had to go through a bit of a process yourself to get to a point of self acceptance and self love, to get to a point of confidence, or has that just been something you've naturally had?

Oh God no - I've not naturally had that.

I am not super confident in my body.

I think if I'm like, you know, around someone or in a comfortable place or like a nude space where everyone feels comfortable, I feel confident because I'm not thinking about it.

But if I'm in a place where let's just say like even when I go to work and I have to dress a certain way, I will.

I love working from home because I don't have to show my body.

It's a long ongoing process. I think it's hard to say we ever reach a place where you feel confident. I think it comes in waves, especially if you have body image issues.

I know for some they come by confidence real naturally, and that that's good for them.

I've been thinking about finding therapy about body image. It's something I probably need help with.

I was talking to a guy recently and he was talking about his therapy journey around body confidence, and his goal that he was working towards with his therapist was body neutrality.

I've heard about that term and I do appreciate the term socially if you're at a place where not thinking about your body.

But for me, I do want to be at a body positive place where I do think about my body in a good way.

I want to be able to use that energy, feeling good about my body, rather than feeling negative or self-conscious or even like not even wanting to go into the office, because I'm worried people are judging my body, which is not good.

Is there an element of exhibitionism in your celebration of small dicks, like in the content you share, is there a turn on in showcasing your penis and the dicks of other men?

I don't know personally, like if I find it exciting, like I decided on my birthday a couple weeks ago, I would actually share my post of my personal image, which was exciting.

What was exciting about it for you? The feedback? The exposure?

No, I know some people really get off on the exposure. But for me, it was just like, oh, I have a page that celebrates it, why don't I showcase myself? And so I did.

That's the exciting part - just getting a lot of positive feedback. It was still really nice to see.

I guess the other flip side of that coin is the concept of small penis humiliation. I'm interested in your thoughts on that as well, because that sort of ties in with the broad BDSM sort of world. What's your perspective on the kink of small penis humiliation?

It’s something that I've been into for a long time - as well as small penis appreciation.

Both are pointing out the size of it.

I'm into both.

It has to be consensual. You have to set boundaries.

How did you start to explore that kink of small penis humiliation? When did you initially engage with that and realise that was something that worked for you?

Well, I've kind of realised that I was always somewhat into humiliation.

Like, you know, even as a kid were like, I would pretend to be exposed or nude and people would laugh.

I would always get turned on by men in embarrassing situations - fantasising about it.

The more you experience different situations and fantasies and stuff, you realise what pushes your buttons.

The guys that submit photos to you and are looking for you to share it with the world, what are their motivations?

It's hard to say - some people just want to show their body and show that this is what regular male beauty looks like and that we should look at all forms of it.

And then we have some people that want to be completely exposed and humiliated, which, you know, whatever anyone's intentions are, that's what they want to do.

I think that those are the two main reasons.

My final question is, if someone was struggling with body confidence and worried about the size of their penis, what advice or guidance would you give them?

If you're worried about that, try to look at the big picture.

Like, you know, you might feel like you don't have someone because of that or you might feel like people are judging you.

I personally believe that most people don't care.

When you do see horrible stuff online, it's a reflection of them. You know, they took the time out of their day to say something mean or they're just trying to be funny and they're really coming in with some juvenile middle-school humour.

Try to take yourself away from it and just appreciate that every single body is unique.

Trust me, there's a lot of people that actually appreciate your body, even if that’s not your personal experience.