What if we combined masturbation with mindfulness?
Let's get to grips with this important topic.
This is a big call but I'm saying this with my chest, the latest Masturbation & Mindfulness session was the best one yet, and easily one of the best Naked Mates events that I've organised.
There's a couple of factors that made this work.
The guys
The make-or-break of an event such as this is the group of guys that are there. This session there were 14 of us, getting together on a Sunday afternoon at my flat in Hoxton.
It was a combination of guys that I'd met before and guys that I was meeting for the first time. Some guys had been to one of my previous masturbation sessions, while for others this was their first experience of communal masturbation.
For a small-group event where you're looking to build communal sexual energy, it's really important to curate the group to try and get the vibe that you're going for.
That doesn't mean that everyone looks the same. This group ranged from age 22 to mid-50s. It was a diverse group - men from different cultural backgrounds and different parts of the world. What I was looking for during the curation process was to try and bring together men who would be in the same head-space and would be comfortable enough with themselves and each other to be vulnerable, to be open to exploring each other's bodies, to share their sexual energy with the room.
The format
Previous Masturbation & Mindfulness sessions that I've run in this series have been focused on solo masturbation - a circle-jerk but you're only getting intimate with yourself, not each other.
This time around, I wanted to explore mutual masturbation and so this was specified in the event description.
I sent out pretty detailed joining instructions so that everyone had a sense of what the format on the day was going to be.
We started with some very basic breathing exercises. We did some solo stretches. We then quickly moved into some partnered breath-work.
All of this was basically an ice-breaker. It got everyone naked - we'd all started wearing t-shirt and underwear - and it started building body contact. By changing partners multiple times it also meant that everyone had some physical contact with everyone else in the room.
From there, it was pretty much game-on. Everyone got comfortable, stroked themselves, stroked each other.
The vibe
What I really liked was how interactive everyone was with everyone else. Connections would form and be explored and then evolve to include others or switch focus. There were small groups that would come together and then disperse. Guys would take breaks and sit back and stroke while watching the action and then connect with other guys also watching, or get up and join whatever was going on.
It was all fairly cock-focused. There was plenty of kissing - which I love, I'm really turned on by kissing, especially when it's accompanied by mutual stroking. There was nipple play. There was some cock-sucking, which was hot. But most of the session revolved around the stroking of cocks.
Most people blew their load at some point. Some chose not to cum. There's a school of thought that advocates holding onto your sexual energy so you can use that in other aspects of your life. There's no right or wrong way to do it, but it's valid to either orgasm and get that release, or edge yourself to the limit and then take that sexual energy with you. Both are good.
The pub
After we were done, we went across the road to the pub to cool off, unwind, and chat. Most of the guys joined us for that, some weren't able to stay. It was relaxed.
Having that social unwind at the end of the session was kind of special - hanging out with a group of guys that you've just shared a really intense sexual connection with.
A small-group masturbation session is a very different head-space to a one-on-one hook-up. It's not as transactional. It's intimacy without the complication of emotions. There's a sense of community.
When is the next Masturbation & Mindfulness event?
The next event is happening on Friday 11 April in London.
Registration to attend is via NakedMates.
The Dick Diaries: Circle-jerk crew
Chronicling a catalogue of cocks.
Ways to add mindfulness to your masturbation
Break your patterns of behaviour
If you usually masturbate in a certain spot or in a certain way, try something new - explore different ways to jack-off. Have you jacked off outside? Have you jacked off blindfolded? Have you jacked off using your left hand? Experience different things.
Make an appointment with your penis.
Block out some dedicated time for your masturbation. This enables you to ensure that you don't have to rush things, that you're not going to be disturbed. It's just you and your hard cock having some quality time together
Explore your body
Start your stroke session with a self-massage. As you're masturbating, don't forget about all of the erogenous zones beyond your cock. Pay particular attention to your nipples and your anus - these parts of your body are hard-wired into the pleasure-receptors in your brain.
Let your imagination loose
As you're masturbating, fantasise about different things. Don't restrain yourself, there are no limits when you're fantasising, there are no taboos. Use your masturbation as an opportunity to explore different aspects your sexual experience and your sexual desires.
Listen to your penis
Different things will feel good at different times. Maybe you need a lot of lube, maybe you don't. Maybe you want fast strokes, maybe you want slow and steady. Figure out what is going to maximise your pleasure in that moment.
Tap into your sexual energy
It's a bit of a nebulous term but your sexual energy is a combination of physical and psychological factors that is the driving force of the sexual act. As you become aroused, your heart-rate increases, your body temperature increases, your senses will be heightened. As you masturbate, try and tune into those physical sensations but also how you're experiencing the world around you in that moment. Sexual energy is often described as a creative energy - a way of unlocking our full potential if we can really connect with it.
Talk about masturbation
Share your experience of masturbation with other men - whether that's fuck-buddies, friends, or guys that you connect with online. Talking about masturbation is an important way of normalising jacking off, but it's also part of the experience - building communal sexual energy with other men is really powerful.
Why is it important to talk about masturbation?
Most of us get lumbered with a lot of shame surrounding masturbation – leading to patterns of behaviour that can really limit the pleasure of jacking off.
Talking about masturbation and celebrating it is a great way to de-stigmatise something that is an essential and normal part of our sexual expression and our basic needs as humans.
How to explore different way to masturbate
Use sex toys and butt plugs
Sex toys are a useful way to change the dynamic of your bate session. If you’re new to using gay sex toys, start with something simple like a butt plug. Butt plugs are designed to go in your anus and provide extra stimulation are particularly good for a bit of prostate stimulation.
Butt plugs come in various sizes – it’s a good idea to start small and build up to the longer and girthier models. If you want something that vibrates, there are also vibrating butt plugs that can add an extra element of fun.
Treat yourself to some quality lube
Lube is an essential part of solo play – it can help reduce friction and make your experience more pleasurable.
There are a variety of lube formulas on the market – experiment with different options until you find your favourite.
One key difference is water-based lube versus silicone-based lube. Water-based is easier when it comes to clean-up, but silicone-based lube will last longer and deliver a smoother ride.
Fuel your fantasies
Visual stimulation is a really common way to motivate your masturbation. If porn is your go-to strategy, try and mix things up a bit so you don't develop static patterns that limit your experience of pleasure.
How to connect with bate buddies
While a solo jack-off is pleasure in its purest form, getting a helping hand from a bate-buddy is always fun.
Let’s look at some ways to make that happen.
Arrange a Circle Jerk
A circle jerk is when a group of guys masturbate together.
You don’t need much more than just some eager participants to arrange a circle jerk. There’s something really primal about jacking off with a group of guys – you can feel the sexual energy in the room.
Get competitive
This is ideal for Masturbation Month, but you can obviously do it at any time of the year. Get your friends and hookups involved. Set everyone a challenge – something like a masturbation marathon where you keep score of how many times you’ve jacked off during the month or in a 24-hour period. The guy who jacks off the most, wins!
Or maybe it’s an edging challenge – who can goon and bate the longest without pushing themselves over the edge and blowing their load? Get creative with it.
Log on to video chat-rooms
Take it online and share your bate with other guys. Whether it's a virtual circle jerk or you're tapping into your exhibitionist kink and putting on a show. Turn your camera on, grease up, and get to work.
Head to a bathhouse
Bathhouses and saunas are great places to find other guys to jerk off with. Everyone is wearing a towel at most, there's plenty of different spaces to explore, there's generally porn playing somewhere, and the sexual energy is pumping.
A celebration of masturbation
Obviously we can - and do - masturbate any and every day of the year, but you'll probably have heard people talking about May as masturbation month.
Why is May designated as Masturbation Month? Alliteration is fun! Men masturbate most in May, maybe?
Designating May as Masturbation Month isn’t a new thing – the illustrious history of these celebrations can be traced back for at least 20 years but no one really knows how or why it started.
It's possible that Masturbation May emerged as a direct challenge to the nonsense that is No Nut November. While there hasn’t been any research that suggests that abstinence helps with your overall health, there is plenty of evidence that confirms that wanking is good for you. Anyone that suggests that there’s some kind of benefit from not masturbating is talking out of their ass. Anyone who suggests that masturbating is somehow bad for you is actively promoting shame and is compromising the mental health of young men.
Whatever, I'm here for any opportunity to talk about and celebrate jack-off joy, so that makes May a pretty magical time of year, right?
Men are massive masturbators, and that’s marvellous!
The Dick Diaries
Chronicling a catalogue of cocks.
